Liam Neeson: Born to lose

Born to lose, I've lived my life in vain

Every dream has only brought me pain

All my life, I've always been so blue

Born to lose, and now I'm losing you

--Johnny Cash

Taken reminded me that it's time to post about Hollywood's greatest... um, "die-er," Liam Neeson.

Neeson has made a career out of dying on screen; more specifically, he seems to own the niche for mentor-like characters who die. Let's see.

Gangs of New York - "We need someone to play DiCaprio's virtuous priestly dad. This guy is on screen for 90 seconds before Daniel Day-Lewis whacks him. Neeson, anyone?"

Star Wars I - "We need a Jedi mentor for the young Darth Vader. Let's shoot his death scene first, so that when he realizes how terrible this movie is, he'll stick around anyway ...since he knows the pain is only temporarily."

Kingdom of Heaven - When I didn't see Neeson in the commercial for this movie, but he showed up as hero-in-the-making Balian's dad early on, I knew there was only one possible outcome: Neeson must die.

Batman Begins - His mentor-character only gets knocked out, but the evil character he actually IS gets killed and then returns as Neeson--who also dies! That doesn't make sense. See this movie.

Lincoln (due out in 2011) - Who should play a tall guy who dies? NEESON! The producers quickly signed Neeson to star. Even though he's a big Irish guy, his grip on the dying-mentor role is so firm that he even owns American presidential roles.

Love Actually - His movie wife dies just before the movie starts. The Grim Reaper clearly missed his target. Neeson is still mentor to a young romantic.

"Let's see... I'm the bigger star, but I'm not in the trailer... Quick, I bequeath my beard and cloak to Jim Caviezel!"

The Mission - Fielding, a priest and role-model to the masses, is killed in the conclusion.

Darkman - Neeson does one of those "horrifically scarred, life destroyed, I consider myself 'dead' but live as a phantasm haunting the enemies of the life I once lived" things.


When Irish Eyes are Crying - Neeson plays an IRA terrorist in the opening episode of Miami Vice Season 3. I have not seen this. BUT: When someone's in only one episode and they play a 'terrorist,' the odds are good that they die. Based on the patterns we see, it is probable that Neeson mentors another young terrorist before dying, too.

Neeson narrowly dodges becoming the first guest star to die on Sesame Street, after mentoring happy-go-lucky puppets.

Last but not least...

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe - Brian Cox (original Hannibal Lecter, badass villain of X-Men 2) was originally cast as Aslan. When he bowed out due to scheduling problems, producers were faced with a decision: Who should play Aslan, the Christ-figure who guides the movie's young heroes before dying sacrificially for Edmund?

Fortunately, they didn't have to think long before someone said, "Hey, why didn't we get Neeson in the first place?" But Neeson has the last laugh here: Ah ha! As a Christ-figure, Aslan returns from the grave after only a brief stay, and is death-proof from here on out! Neeson's agent finally found the ultimate sacrificially-dying-good-guy-who-comes-back role... the only question is, how did Neeson not get cast in The Passion?