Star Trek Wars

So, last week I saw Star Trek. I'll briefly preface this post by saying that I grew up a hardcore Star Wars fan, and that Star Trek fans were my school-yard enemies (Yes, even nerds have gangs).

The Star Wars franchise has aged (from about 1983 to present) about as well as an open bowl of chili sitting on a kitchen counter over a holiday weekend. Star Trek had some rough spots too, and its past couple of movies performed badly in theaters.

However, as the third major 'reboot' in the past few years, I highly enjoyed the last Trek movie. Sure, the science wasn't perfect (here's looking at you, Squid) but at least I had something I haven't had watching anything George Lucas has made in a generation: Fun!

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If I want bad computer animation to bore me to tears, I can manage that fine without paying nine bucks--here's looking at you now, Monster Quest!

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Here's my brief shopping list of things ST had, but by contrast Star Wars has lacked in the past couple decades:

More please...



• A prominent smart alec. Space opera, almost by definition, needs someone who doesn't take himself too seriously. Kirk did this. A bunch of stiff Jedi makes for a long movie... and an exponentially longer trilogy.

• Things exploding in space! How is it that my series has "WARS" in the title, but was seemingly bereft of the entertaining WWII space dogfights that made it big in the first place? ST delivered on this, even though they cruise around in a big science vessel. You're telling me that doctors and engineers and linguists get into better scrapes than ancient warrior fraternities?! Go figure.

• Space academy cadets ordering beer. While ST has moved from nerd-scape to mainstream, SW has moved from appealing to grown-up nerds and kids... to appealing to only tiny tykes. Today it is okay for a 'cool' adult to tell his friends that he (or she!) is going to see Star Trek. BUT... If you're going to a Star Wars movie in this millenium, you would be better off lying and telling your friends you're catching a matinee Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties.**

• Blue-screen, red blood! Despite requisite sci-fi blue-screen work, Trek has a bunch of people geting the hell beat out of them--and a good guy even gets tortured! Dull Lucas had his stable of actors interacting with absent costars and fake swords. Three long painful movies couldn't even cough up one good bar fight?! Plus, bonus points for Kirk losing most (all?) of his fights. Awesome!

Even Kirk's friends put the beat-down on him

I can't go on, because if I get started on how much I hate the Prequels, I'll get banned for posting a Gilgamesh-like 'epic' instead of a brief 'blog post.' Live long... and give me a little bit of fun for my nine bucks, okay?

**Bonus knowledge: Garfield: ATOTK fared terribly despite being based on not one, but TWO Dickensian masterworks. When a movie with a lot of CG aimed at kids does this badly, you have to wonder... was GL the clandestine hand behind the making of yet another insult to society?